Lipton’s Journal/January 3, 1955/161

If this record is to have any value, I have to be truthful, and today after a considerable New Year’s weekend, I am definitely down. A reaction to too much Lipton’s, too much fucking, simple and in combination, too many confessions, too many enthusiasms, too much talking, too much thinking—I feel exhausted, depressed, unpleasant, dirty....and relieved. Because although I’m depressed, the fear that my manic mood was a prelude to insanity seems to have gone. The world is around me again, problems, distastes, small worries, small revulsions, and mainly depression. But even as I’m writing this, my mood is picking up. For I had too much Lipton’s last night, and by now I should know that too much leaves me with a bad hangover, and disgust at all the psychopathy I uncover in myself.