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Lipton’s Journal/March 4, 1955/705: Difference between revisions
Lipton’s Journal/March 4, 1955/705 (view source)
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But married love is not natural love, it is concept love. Natural love is the reverse of a habit, it is an ebb and flow, it exists and does not exist as the child feels it or does not feel it. Nothing is so painful to a child as to be reminded that it was good and loving but an hour ago. The child cannot comprehend why it is now asked to pay allegiance to a feeling which has left it. The adult on the other hand is far more concerned that the decision to be in love which like all habit-decisions is over-compensated, that is over-established be not shaken for nothing is more exhausting to the capacity to work, to accomplish to move easily through life than a constant juggler-anxiety about whether to alter the love habit or not. | But married love is not natural love, it is concept love. Natural love is the reverse of a habit, it is an ebb and flow, it exists and does not exist as the child feels it or does not feel it. Nothing is so painful to a child as to be reminded that it was good and loving but an hour ago. The child cannot comprehend why it is now asked to pay allegiance to a feeling which has left it. The adult on the other hand is far more concerned that the decision to be in love which like all habit-decisions is over-compensated, that is over-established be not shaken for nothing is more exhausting to the capacity to work, to accomplish to move easily through life than a constant juggler-anxiety about whether to alter the love habit or not. | ||
So seen in this way a lot about love becomes understandable, that is married love. It accounts for the virtuous sensations one knows when one feels in love with one’s mate; it also accounts for the depression one knows when one does not feel in love. The habit is threatened, and when a habit is broken the juggler goes through a mad few weeks or few years, so the depression about not being in love is very powerful—the juggler is drenched in gloom and generating all the depression he can, sup depression and er depression, sup rage and er rage, he wishes to confuse the system, knock it out for depression usually keeps people from taking a new step—they feel everything is too hopeless to act. | So seen in this way a lot about love becomes understandable, that is married love. It accounts for the virtuous sensations one knows when one ''feels'' in love with one’s mate; it also accounts for the depression one knows when one does not feel in love. The habit is threatened, and when a habit is broken the juggler goes through a mad few weeks or few years, so the depression about not being in love is very powerful—the juggler is drenched in gloom and generating all the depression he can, sup depression and er depression, sup rage and er rage, he wishes to confuse the system, knock it out for depression usually keeps people from taking a new step—they feel everything is too hopeless to act. | ||
Truly what a dilemma it is. No wonder analysts look for happy marriages to end their cases. What can be said of a happy marriage is not that it is “happy” but that it is a powerful and temporarily undefeatable habit which acts benevolently upon the system—a minimum of energy is wasted on the sex vs. order imbroglio, and a maximum is therefore available for work enjoyment etc. | Truly what a dilemma it is. No wonder analysts look for happy marriages to end their cases. What can be said of a happy marriage is not that it is “happy” but that it is a powerful and temporarily undefeatable habit which acts benevolently upon the system—a minimum of energy is wasted on the sex vs. order imbroglio, and a maximum is therefore available for work enjoyment etc. | ||