Lipton’s Journal/February 14, 1955/585: Difference between revisions

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-Ted Amussen{{LJ:Amussen}} cannot express hatred—that is his sickness. Neither can Danny Wolf.{{LJ:Wolf}} If Danny doesn’t take a smack at me soon, I’ve got to let up or I’ll drive him into schizophrenia. The answer to Bob’s question as to why I provoke the orgy with people like Dan and Rhoda,{{refn|Lifelong friend of {{NM}}’s sister Barbara, Rhoda Lazare (b. 1926) was introduced to her future husband, Daniel Wolf, by Mailer.}} whom I don’t desire sexually (and what a world of lack of understanding is buried is to desire sexually) is double at least. I want to enrage Dan to the point where he’ll attack me. If he could express his hostility in physical aggression he would feel wonderful afterward—I know that. I would like to make him scram at me, weep, rage, spit, and strike. Next day he’d wake up in a good mood. I know it. That’s why I always try to touch off hatred in people—it’s the only way to get back to love.
+Ted Amussen{{LJ:Amussen}} cannot express hatred—that is his sickness. Neither can Danny Wolf.{{LJ:Wolf}} If Danny doesn’t take a smack at me soon, I’ve got to let up or I’ll drive him into schizophrenia. The answer to Bob’s question as to why I provoke the orgy with people like Dan and Rhoda,{{LJ:Rhoda}} whom I don’t desire sexually (and what a world of lack of understanding is buried is to desire sexually) is double at least. I want to enrage Dan to the point where he’ll attack me. If he could express his hostility in physical aggression he would feel wonderful afterward—I know that. I would like to make him scram at me, weep, rage, spit, and strike. Next day he’d wake up in a good mood. I know it. That’s why I always try to touch off hatred in people—it’s the only way to get back to love.
 When Bob{{LJ:Lindner}} came to India’s{{refn|Unknown.}} I knew he was suppressing his hostility toward me (chassidility) (He was like a rabbi furious that his most talented disciple was wearing his tfillen){{refn|'''Chassidility''' refers to the Hasidic Orthodox sect; the second, spelled '''tefillin''', refers to the small leather boxes (also called phylacteries) containing verses from the Torah that observant Jews strap to their arms during morning prayers.}} (And isn’t Bob’s talent to be a teacher who stimulates others past him?) and I also knew that the longer Bob suppressed his hostility toward me the more depressed and tired he would become. So I taunted him, insulted him, stuck needles in him, twisted writs and wrists (the Ritz is the Writs) provoked him until—and I really believe this—he scared us in turn when he drove the car. Granted the Lipton’s had us paranoid. Nonetheless, Bob had a shit-eating grin when we screamed that we were scared.