Lipton’s Journal/March 4, 1955/706: Difference between revisions

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 As Bob Lindner{{LJ:Lindner}} said to me some time ago, a lot of people are going to be hating you soon. That may well be true, but what is far better that I like myself—that is my health—and since I have always been a rebel and have always found the meaning of my life and the most intense sense of my own existence at those moments when I rebel with some size and confidence, so I have been hampered and fucked up in the past by my overanxious desire to be loved.
-These days I give mush less of a fuck whether most people like me or not, and the result is that to my amazement I am far more capable of handling myself. For example [[w:Charles Laughton|Laughton]] and I worked together very well for the whole week—it was a collaboration in the best sense and that was the first time in my life that I was able to work with a man whom I felt was an equal.
+These days I give much less of a fuck whether most people like me or not, and the result is that to my amazement I am far more capable of handling myself. For example [[w:Charles Laughton|Laughton]] and I worked together very well for the whole week—it was a collaboration in the best sense and that was the first time in my life that I was able to work with a man whom I felt was an equal.
-Also a thousand other things that have been going better together with a price. My depression when they come these days are pretty Christ-awful. They come invariably late at night and I sit alone in the living room that too-white too bare living room and feel empty and dull inside and I wonder if I am completely deteriorating, and if everything in the journal is an hysterical attempt to hide how desperate I am. But these days my depressions always but always come when I am low in energy, in {{LJ:lerve}}. Last year I could be full of energy and still be very depressed.
+Also a thousand other things that have been going better together with a price. My depressions when they come these days are pretty Christ-awful. They come invariably late at night and I sit alone in the living room that too-white too bare living room and feel empty and dull inside and I wonder if I am completely deteriorating, and if everything in the journal is an hysterical attempt to hide how desperate I am. But these days my depressions always but always come when I am low in energy, in {{LJ:lerve}}. Last year I could be full of energy and still be very depressed.
 {{Notes|title=note|width=60em}}