Lipton’s Journal/January 27, 1955/315: Difference between revisions

As was evident in the notes yesterday, I was moving toward a depression, and it came on me during the evening. I felt very tired, and rather disgusted with myself. It seemed to me as if I’d been indulging in mental masturbation for quite a few days, playing word games, playing at being a genius, playing at being at the edge of the psychotic, and I noted that the letter which was to accompany some notes I was sending to Bob{{LJ:Lindner}} which I had half-consciously written almost psychotically had been left out of the envelope. I was going to throw it away (crumple it into a ball), and then changed my mind and just stuck it is with carbons of old letters. I felt disgusted at harassing Bob like that, swindling him into giving a free analysis, not directly of course, but still drawing him in. What preceded the depression were some half-realizations of a very personal sort about my sister and Adele,{{LJ:Adele}} and I suppose I drew back from them.